INTRO PARAGRAPH

   Did you know twenty percent of children introduced to stepparents have very unstable emotional/psychological problems? Not all stepparents cause these kinds of problems but not all stepparents know how to be a good parent. Bad step-parenting is a topic that is not talked about as much as it should be, and is actually becoming a serious threatening problem in some households. Being a parent is not as simple as it looks but it is important when you take on marriage, you also have to take on being a good and supportive parent, no matter what complications are thrown your way.

And They All Lived Happily Ever After! Kind of...

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         And they all lived happily ever after....

                         Well kind of...

 

 

        This will be the ending to my story, as a new book is being written. The outcome of my stepmom being so dreadfully awful to my resulted in me moving out. Even though I had moved out of the house, does not mean she was out of my life. Even up to this day she still does not leave me alone. She finds ways to get inside my head through text or social media, or even a rumor that eventually comes to me. Due to this I have decided my best option was to block my dad and stepmother, and any other connections to them which I had, because then they could not get inside my head.

 

      Now that I am free from their chains, I feel better than I have ever been.

 

    Yes, I miss my dad. But I refuse to let them back into my life. I refuse to let ANY negative people bring me down now.

 

    Psychology Today says, "Constant exposure to such negativity can make deep inroads into your bank of positivity, leading you to either become negative—diffident, anxious, and distrustful—yourself, or to become indifferent, uncaring, or even mean towards the negative person."

 

    Therefore, my biggest rule is to always stay positive, no matter what, no matter how tough any situation is. Surrounding yourself with positive people can also influence your thoughts and actions.

 

   Now that I can live my own positive life, I plan to work hard to become successful. I am a freshman at Stevenson University, and plan on majoring in Psychology. Nothing will stop me, or slow me down. One day I will help others who had to deal with the same or similar experiences that I had to.

 

I hope you enjoyed my blog! Please feel free to comment!

 

 



My Sister's Story

   

    A famous pair of sisters most of us know about is Anna and Elsa from Disney's Frozen. The overall moral of this storyline is, no matter what, sisters have to stick together.

    My sister has always had my back. But at times I was brainwashed and did not do the same. My sister is two years older then me. She had left my dad's house her freshmen year of high school, as I survived until my senior year of high school. Our stepmom never really liked my sister, and made my dad make a decision to choose between my sister or herself. My dad chose our stepmom and my sister had to leave. After she left the house we rarely saw eachother for the next five years... until now.

I have decided to interview my sister on the topic, to show that I am not alone in this.

 

How did it feel for your dad to choose your stepmom over you? 

    It felt terrible. I would have never of thought my dad would have chosen a woman that was not even my mom over me.

 

Can you recall a certain memory/moment with your stepmom that really affected you?

    One moment that really affected me with my stepmom was when she threatened to leave my dad if my dad wouldn't kick me out of my house.

 

Why do you think she acts the way she does toward you?

     I believe she acts the way she does towards me because she secretly knows she is crazy and doesn't want my dad to be around anyone but her because they will warn him about her issues.

 

Would you like to share any other thoughts about your experience?

    One thought I would like to share about this experience is that you should never get married until you actually know someone. And you know someone is a problem when you are not even aloud to talk to your own children and parents.

   So sisters, stick together, have eachother's backs, and love eachother. I regret never standing up for my sister five years ago, do not make the mistake that I made.

Guilt Trip

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        "Why me?" This is a question I commonly asked as I sat in my bedroom late at night. In the beginning there were nights where I would just lay in bed crying, because it felt like it was the end of the world. My dad meant the world to me, but now I just feel betrayed by him. He would not stand up for me. I was told that I had destroyed this perfect family since I left my dads house. That was the first time I had ever seen him cry. This only made me feel guilty and it made me feel like such an awful person.

 

   I was on a "Guilt Trip"

 

   Psychology Today says, "guilt-provokers are often guilt-sufferers themselves." Therefore, my stepmom must have known that I was not the one who cause all of the catastrophe, but it was also of her wrong-doings.

 

Think About It:

1. Do you know someone who tries to get their way or control you by making you feel guilty? Yes/No
2. Do you know someone who makes you feel “less than” by constantly comparing you to others? Yes/No
3. Do you know someone who acts like an angry victim? Yes/No
4. Do you feel emotionally and/or physically drained after being with someone who is complaining or berating you? Yes/No
5. Do you know someone who you are always trying to please but never seem to do things correctly? Yes/No

  Here are your results.


   Looking back at it, I know I did not destroy that family. There were already so many underlying problems, and so much stress and anger. I did not deserve those guilt trips, and neither does anyone else.

   Do you have a parent that tries to take you on a guilt trip? Comment and/or share your stories below!



The Cinderella Effect

 

 

       Did you know that it is more common to have abuse by a stepparent rather then a biological parent?

 

     The Cinderella Effect is a term used by psychologists to describe the higher incidence in maltreatment or abuse in children by stepparents compared to their biological parents.

 

   "The version of the fairy tale of Cinderella most people are familiar with involves a controlling and manipulative step mother, two step sisters that receive all their mother’s love and affection, and a neglected step child, Cinderella, who is forced to cook and clean and isolated from the rest of the family.  Cinderella’s father dies, but instead of embracing Cinderella as one of her own, the evil step mother shuns her and treats her like a servant.  The Cinderella Effect is named after this version of the story"

 

    The Resource Theory of The Cinderella Effect suggests that a stepparent may try to claim their dominant role through violence or intimidation. But there are many different ideas behind the Cinderella Effect, like a stepparent's personality, stress, or the evolutionary idea that a child that is not linked to a person genetics, will not be protected and taken care of as their own.

 

    This is not just physical abuse, but also emotional. I have felt the emotional abuse from my own experience of the Cinderella Effect. But the truth is there is not a fairy godmother, or some man that is going to save you. You have to be your own hero. It will be mentally scarring and very tough. I myself had to battle through some depression, but in the long run, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

   Don't be afraid to share your story, it is your turn to be heard!



Dear Stepparents, Watch What You Say!

ATTENTION STEPPARENTS!!!

Dear Stepparents of the World,
           Please. Please. Please. Stop screaming at us. I know you think our parents are the "bad guys" and are trying to destroy everything. But just like you think you are doing for us... they just want the best for their kids. Yes, they are going to want to spend time with us, and we are going to want to spend time with them. You have to understand that spending time with both mom and dad are very essential. There is no reason to be jealous over our biological parents, because they were our parents first. Just stay calm and be patient. Everything will work out. We will love you, but you have to make yourself some boundaries first, therefore you do not push us away.

                                                                                                Thanks,
                                                                                                Stepchildren of the World
DO NOT:

• Bash the biological parent
• Make a child feel bad for loving their biological parent
• Force a child to hate the biological parent

DO:

• Treat the biological parent with respect
• Respect a child and parents relationship
• Set boundaries so you do not force your own beliefs/opinions about a biological parent on a child

    No child wants to hear you constantly bash on their own mother. "She doesn't care as much about you as I do", "Your mom is not a good person, didn't you hear?", " You only run to your mom because she doesn't care what you do!". So many untrue words constantly running through your ears. A child can put their hands over their ears and pretend not to listen, but it's not going to stop the words from coming out of a stepparents mouth.

 
If you are a stepparent, here is some help.

If you would like to share, or comment, please feel free to do so!

Now Introducing the Step-Siblings!

Remember the movie Stepbrothers?


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Minus being forty years old, this is actually a pretty accurate depiction of having stepsiblings.

After my dad married my stepmother, I was given the gift of two stepbrothers. I had always had a sister so I was not use to this. I could tell my dad was happy to finally have some other guys around the house. Yet I still did all the hard work. I cut grass, painted fences, pulled weeds, and even put down tiles. On top of this, I played soccer, and got good grades every day. Even though I did these things, it was as if it was not enough. My stepbrothers still got more recognition than me.

It is a love-hate relationship. Just like having a regular brother or sister. When you are first introduced, it is very awkward, like "who are these strange kids?" and you may even have the thoughts that you don't want to share your home with them. This is very common. The problems underlying in stepchildren are not always that the stepchildren won't get along. It is also who will get recognized the most.

I love both of my stepbrothers, and they know I will do anything for them. But standing in their shadows is not a place I would like to linger in forever. I never had a problem with my stepbrothers as we always will stand up for each other. If there are problems with a parent or stepparent, a stepsibling may be your go-to, because they know exactly what you're going through.

This is one of the best things I got out of my stepparent situation. If you are reading this E and N, remember that I do love you, stay strong, and work hard.

Do Not Fear: The Arguments Shall End

As you sit in your room, trying to avoid argument with your stepparent, it is almost as if it is their job to do so. Once you walk outside of your room, they find a way, any way, to yell. You fear them, as if they are some stranger that just walked into your house. Who do you think you are?

Talking to a kid with such anger and manipulating them so that a stepparent feels powerful is just evil. Therefore do not let your stepparent torture you like this. And those who've had nights like this, I know how you feel. After a long day of school, and finishing up a hard soccer practice. You HAVE to go home, but you don't want to go home. Once you go home, you take a shower, sit in your room, and do homework. Maybe even skip out on dinner.

This is wrong. You shouldn't have to hide. You should feel comfortable in your own home.

You must gain the strength to leave your room, and to stand up for yourself. You never know, maybe things will get better after you stand up for yourself. Dr. Barbara Greenberg, from Psychology Today, says"Sometimes a confusing dynamic develops where the stepmother begins to see the child from the earlier marriage as the "other woman." This is a painful and very difficult dynamic."

It is ridiculous to be seen as the other woman. I am my fathers daughter. I am not here to play games and spar with this woman? I love my dad, and his happiness had always come first. But his happiness was either to have her, or to have me. I could not butt head to head with my stepmother anymore. The screaming, the fighting, and the heart break had to stop.

So face your fears. Step on the battlefield and stay strong. If the time comes where you must put down your weapons then do so.

A Common Personality: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Have you had one of those nights where you just want to fall asleep? You just want to avoid this monster?

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   Could a stepparent be so evil, that you see them as an evil monster?

   My stepmother was the jealousy monster. If my dad were to pay the slightest attention to me, compared to the attention he gave to her kids or even herself. She would become a whole new person. Sometimes she would act like my best friend, other times I was her enemy. Almost as if she thought I was threatening her.

   If you do experience a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality, please do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and fight this evil, or find your self to the nearest exit. If you do not stand up for yourself than no one will. They may deceive you at first, and act to be your friend, but then the tear you up inside. They try to change you, as if you were the monster and not them. But this is just their way of trying to beat you up. Do NOT let them win!!!

   Do not fall for their trickery, as they may tear down your self-esteem, as mine did to me. You are not dumb or stupid. You are not lazy or rude. You are brave. You will stand up to this monster in your closet and fight back. You may feel broken, but you are strong. Sometimes walking away and leaving this monster and suffering, is the best thing to do. This is not being selfish, this is how to save yourself when there is no other option.

If you have any comments, or want to share your stories, please do so below.

Step-Monsters

                Stepmonster, a stepmother who is rude and cruel.

               

               

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                Once upon a time, my stepmother told my dad that either my sister had to leave or she was going to leave. My sister was then kicked out of the house. Two years later, my stepmother had threatened me, and made me choose between my biological mother, and herself. I made the decision that was best for me, and left.

                There are several things a stepparent should and should not do, and threatening a stepchild is not the way to go. You should encourage your child to spend time with their biological parent, because it is not a competition.

Another thing is, no stepparent should overstep their bounds, do not over-discipline a kid that is not yours, especially if it is unnecessary. Being a stepchild that has been through hell and back with my stepmother because of her overstepping her bounds, I know that this can push a stepchild away from that family household. I cleaned the house, cut the grass, got good grades, helped her son in academics and athletics, even was very successful in my high school sports career, but no matter what I did I was never good enough for her. Everything I did was wrong. And that is how she continued to treat me.

                No stepparent should make you feel worthless, or even make you fear coming home. No stepparent should call you dumb, and stupid. They are supposed to be supportive and make your home, actually feel like a home.

                If a stepparent threatens you, or if you fear them. They are most likely this stepmonster that I am referring to.

Click here for more stepparenting Do's and Dont's:

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/tips-for-stepparents?page=2

The "EVIL" stepMOTHER

Have you experienced having “evil” stepparents? Maybe like this one:

                                    

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                Well, welcome to my blog! My name is Gabriela Young, and I would like to express my experience of having an evil stepparent, and talk about what kind of affects this can have on its victims. Not all stepparents are evil, but when they do enter your life it is essential that you do not let them treat you like a doormat.

                When I was young my parents divorced. One day my dad met this woman and I was happy for him, and I enjoyed having this lady around because she made my dad happy and that was all that mattered to me. But once they decided to get married everything changed. The fun and loving woman that she once was had vanished. She began to push me around, and call me names, as if she was competing with me to get my dad’s attention. All the sudden I was this evil child, no matter how responsible and hard-working I was. Times only got harder and harder living with her.

                One thing I have learned is that no one can control your happiness, except yourself. Leaving that family was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but the best decision I have ever made.

                PsychologyToday says that “Contrary to myth, stepfamilies have a high rate of success in raising healthy children. Eighty percent of the kids come out fine.” So what about the twenty percent of kids that come out feeling insane because of their family situation. Well that is what I want to take a stand for, no stepchild should be treated so terribly that which it mentally scars them. So do not let any stepparent step on you.